A day for love

And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don't listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you're sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you're late and be amazed when you're early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I'm black and be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I'd known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you're angry and tell you you're gorgeous and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you and whimper when I'm not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don't and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don't believe me and have a feeling so deep I can't find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I'd get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it's empty without you and want what you want and think I'm losing myself but know I'm safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less and answer your questions when I'd rather not and tell you the truth when I really don't want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it's all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it's a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.

Hard Sun

When I walk beside her,
I am the better man
When I look to leave her,
I always stagger back again

Once I built an ivory tower
so I could worship from above
When I climbed down to be set free,
she took me in again

When she comes to greet me,
she is mercy at my feet
When I see her bitter charm,
she just throws it back at me

Once I dug an early grave
to find a better land
She just smiled, then laughed at me
and took her blues back again

When I go to cross that river,
she is comfort by my side
When I try to understand,
she just opens up her hands

Once I stood to lose her
when I saw what I had done
Bound down and threw away the hours
of her garden and her sun

So I tried to warn her,
I turned to see her weep
Forty days and forty nights
and it's still coming down on me

Broken Rose

Tearstained cheeks and a broken smile
Lying unconvincingly
"I'm alright", then slipping
back into the same bump and grind.
Fading out roots, black leather boots.

You hold my hand, grateful for the touch
that did not judge or label.
Longing to be seen,
praying you could disappear.

Elaena, you stranger, you lover
"Take me with you", you said
I could not, I was
too afraid of consequence.
"Then buy the next round", you snapped,
stone faced and silent.
Your tired eyes betrayed you,
leaking memories of what was,
and what if's
and hopeless dreams of a knight.
"You're a good man", you said.
I smiled and kissed your cheek
Tasting the salt.
and held your hand.
I kept the flower you pinned on my shirt.
crushed petals and all.
In memory of the day that I
could only be a good man
but not your knight.

2012

Take the time, make sense
of everything that is not
the way it should be

Half a page of scribbled lines

Who you gonna call?

There's a song, one of my all time favorites, called "Chingari koi bhadke". Musically brilliant, but what makes it special are the lyrics. It talks about the little moments of irony in life that leave you helpless.

Chingari koi bhadke, to saawan use bujhaye
saawan jo agan lagaye, use kaun bujhaye?

The rain will put out the fire that a spark ignites. But what of the fire that the rain awakens?

What do you do when you feel lonely in a crowd?

Where's my Vicodin?

Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain. The normal pains we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else... Makes the rest of your world fade away, until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anesthetize , ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.
Pain. You just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its on. Hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers. You just breath deep and wait for it subside. Most of the time pain can be managed, but sometimes the pain gets you when you least expect it, hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain. You just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it... And life always makes more.