Have you ever lost somebody close to you? somebody who was as integral a part of your life as the very air you breathe (dramatic.. i know..). When do you miss them the most? I've realised off late that its the little things you miss.. A certain way they felt when you touched them, a particular habit that was unique to them (that drove you nuts when they were around but now makes you miss them like nothing else in the world.)..
But more than anything else, its the things you shared, a book you both loved.. a tv show.. a trip you took together.. your private little jokes.. a drink that defined some unforgettable yet insignificant moment that you spent with them, the sort of moment you can only have with people you love.
I was watching an episode of a certain TV show we both loved and spent hours discussing and deliberating over; and it ended at a bit of a cliffhanger. My immediate reaction was an immediate desire to spend an obscene amount of time picking out the significance of every scene with the person I am talking about; till it hit me that it wasn't possible anymore. And in that moment, that moment when you walk into a room expecting unconsciously to see them but you suddenly realise you never will again, you feel the void they've left behind.
There's a song by Pink Floyd called What Shall We Do Now, that appears on the album The Wall. Well, actually it appears in the movie and is featured on the album as a shorter version called Empty Spaces. Anyway, the song has the protagonist (Pink) ask the question that haunts me now.
What shall we use to fill the empty spaces where we used to talk?
Makes you wonder if Tennyson was bullshitting when he wrote In Memoriam A.H.H.
I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
But then, he wrote it over 17 years. Maybe all it takes is time.