Ramble On

Decision time..

2011-12-05T19:33:00.000+05:30

I'm usually pretty sure of my decisions. I understand that every decision in life has its share of regrets attached to it. Every road not taken will have some sights along the way that you will miss out in life's lil' journey.

Apparently its not the same for everybody.

Also, how do you decide when to cut your losses and just get the hell out? "I cant take it anymore!" is rather subjective and momentary; how do you know for sure that its time to abandon ship?

Nuggets..

2011-11-28T19:53:00.001+05:30

Following are little bits of prose that I've written, often while texting friends.. I wonder why it annoys them.
Sleep Deprivation's a Bitch.
Oh AM, my AM.
I've been up since six a.m.
and hours of sleep numbered five.
I'm devoid of power.
on the same page for hours
In short I am barely alive.

The words they seem blurry
and sometimes I worry
I'll gouge my eye out with this pen
If you can take a break
help me stay awake
and the Lord will repay you for ten.

Sundays are Mondays for Lovers
My rhymes start to bug,
I guess that makes sense
As is with most Sundays,
My baby is tense

My fate like most lovers'
is to pine and sigh.
Crawl under the covers
and curl up and die.

The Frog's Unrequited Love
Alas, it seems, she
can't love me in turn.
Oh how long would it be
till I finally learn.

That the fairytale princess
Does not pick the frog.
I'll grieve now, I guess,
and howl like a dog.

Wishlist..
My words they seem empty
Like some idle rhyme
She mocks my intentions
we laugh all the time

If only she'd see things
From my sad brown eyes
She'll see past the jesting
And laughter and lies

And maybe, just maybe
She might really see..
All that i am
And all we could be..

Midnight Blues..
Alas, tis' mighty woeful
My baby wont reply
I sit in wait and grow full
of Whens and Whats and Whys
Im sure she isnt heartless
Perhaps just occupied
She said we wouldnt part,Yes
Im sure she hasn't lied
I'll wait,although im weary
She'll be along anon
this night alone is scary
She'll bring with her the dawn

The Vicious Cabaret

2011-11-07T18:49:00.000+05:30

They say that there's a broken light for every heart on Broadway.
They say that life's a game, then they take the board away.
They give you masks and costumes and an outline of the story
Then leave you all to improvise their vicious cabaret...

In no-longer-pretty cities there are fingers in kitties.
There are warrants, forms, and chitties and a jackboot on the stair.
Sex and death and human grime, in monochrome for one thin dime,
But at least the trains all run on time but they don't go anywhere.
Facing their Responsibilities either on their backs or on their knees
There are ladies who just simply freeze and dare not turn away
And the widows who refuse to cry will be dressed in garter and bow-tie
And be taught to kick their legs up high in this vicious cabaret.

At last! The 1998 Show!
The ballet on the burning stage.
The documentary seen
Upon the fractured screen
The dreadful poem scrwled upon the crumpled page...

There's a policeman with an honest soul that has seen whose head is on the pole
And he grunts and fills his briar bowl with a feeling of unease.
But he briskly frisks the torn remains for a fingerprint or crimson stains
And endevours to ignore the chins that he walks in to his knees.
while his master in the dark nearby inspects the hands, with a brutal eye,
That have never brushed a lover's thigh but have squeezed a nation's threat.
But he hungers in his secret dreams for the harsh embrace of cruel machines
But his lover is not what she seems and she will not leave a note.

At last! The 1998 Show!
The Situation Tragedy
Grand Opera slick with soap
Cliffhangers with no hope
The water-colour in the flooded gallery...

There's a girl who'll push but not shove and is desperate for her father's love
She believes the hand beneath the glove maybe one she needs to hold.
Though she doubts her hosts moralities she decides she is more at ease
In the Land Of Doing What You Please than outside in the cold.
But the backdrop's peel and the sets give way and the cast gets eaten by the play
There's a murderer at the Matinee, there are dead men in the aisles
And the patrons and actors too are uncertain if the show is through
And with side-long looks await their cue but the frozen mask just smiles.

At last! The 1998 Show!
The torch-song no one ever sings
The curfew chorus line
The comedy divine
The bulging eyes of puppets strangled by their strings

There's thrills and chills and girls galore, sing-songs and surprises
There's something hear for everyone, (reserve your seat today)
There's mischief and malarkies but no queers or yids or darkies
Within this bastard's carnival, this vicious cabaret

The Anniversarie

2011-11-03T22:40:00.000+05:30

All kings, and all their favourites,
All glory of honours, beauties, wits,
The sun it self, which makes time, as they pass,
Is elder by a year now than it was
When thou and I first one another saw.
All other things to their destruction draw,
Only our love hath no decay ;
This no to-morrow hath, nor yesterday ;

Vanity Card

2011-10-20T13:50:00.000+05:30

What doesn't kill us makes us bitter. I used to believe that to be both funny and true. Years later I learned that pain could also be the touchstone for personal growth, which of course points back to the original saying, "what doesn't kill us makes us better." Not funny, but perhaps closer to the truth. Or at least the truth I choose to believe in these days. So, having recently experienced a bit of pain, am I better? Well, let's review: I think I'm fairly immune to name-calling now. I'm not sure I could have made that claim a few months ago. I've also come to see that the things I used to think were big deals, are not. Problems appear to be relative. If you have a big one, it makes all the others seem almost charming in comparison. And finally, when your life takes a path you could never have foreseen, it's humbling. In a good way. It's kind of like a friendly reminder from the universe that while you may think you have the starring role in the movie of your life, you're actually just a bit player trying to grab a quesadilla off the craft services table when no one's looking.

So, to sum up: I now have a thicker skin, I'm less likely to sweat the small stuff, and, perhaps most importantly, I have a renewed sense of humility. All in all, better.

Doesn't remind me..

2011-10-19T17:47:00.002+05:30

Have you ever lost somebody close to you? somebody who was as integral a part of your life as the very air you breathe (dramatic.. i know..). When do you miss them the most? I've realised off late that its the little things you miss.. A certain way they felt when you touched them, a particular habit that was unique to them (that drove you nuts when they were around but now makes you miss them like nothing else in the world.)..

But more than anything else, its the things you shared, a book you both loved.. a tv show.. a trip you took together.. your private little jokes.. a drink that defined some unforgettable yet insignificant moment that you spent with them, the sort of moment you can only have with people you love.

I was watching an episode of a certain TV show we both loved and spent hours discussing and deliberating over; and it ended at a bit of a cliffhanger. My immediate reaction was an immediate desire to spend an obscene amount of time picking out the significance of every scene with the person I am talking about; till it hit me that it wasn't possible anymore. And in that moment, that moment when you walk into a room expecting unconsciously to see them but you suddenly realise you never will again, you feel the void they've left behind.

There's a song by Pink Floyd called What Shall We Do Now, that appears on the album The Wall. Well, actually it appears in the movie and is featured on the album as a shorter version called Empty Spaces. Anyway, the song has the protagonist (Pink) ask the question that haunts me now.

What shall we use to fill the empty spaces where we used to talk?

Makes you wonder if Tennyson was bullshitting when he wrote In Memoriam A.H.H.

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

But then, he wrote it over 17 years. Maybe all it takes is time.

Slip to the void

2011-10-16T14:45:00.001+05:30

Sever the ties.
Trip the wire.
Dig your hole.
Doubt is alive and you know.
You were once led to believe,
You were young and so naive
But now no longer
Well its all in the way
You turned your back today.

Invictus

2011-10-12T15:46:00.002+05:30

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Reality check..

2011-10-10T22:12:00.000+05:30

You know what's the worst thing about somebody breaking up with you? Is when you remember how little you thought about the people you broke up with and you realize that is how little they're thinking of you. You know, you'd like to think you're both in all this pain but they're just like 'Hey, I'm glad you're gone'.

Me & Bobby McGee

2011-09-13T16:52:00.001+05:30

Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train
And I's feeling nearly as faded as my jeans.
Bobby thumbed a diesel down just before it rained,
It rode us all the way to New Orleans.

I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandanna,
I was playing soft while Bobby sang the blues.
Windshield wipers slapping time, I was holding Bobby's hand in mine,
We sang every song that driver knew.

Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose,
Nothing don't mean nothing honey if it ain't free, now now.
And feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues,
You know feeling good was good enough for me,
Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee.

From the Kentucky coal mines to the California sun,
Hey, Bobby shared the secrets of my soul.
Through all kinds of weather, through everything we done,
Hey Bobby baby? kept me from the cold.

One day up near Salinas,I let him slip away,
He's looking for that home and I hope he finds it,
But I'd trade all of my tomorrows for just one yesterday
To be holding Bobby's body next to mine.

Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose,
Nothing, that's all that Bobby left me, yeah,
But feeling good was easy, Lord, when he sang the blues,
Hey, feeling good was good enough for me, hmm hmm,
Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee.

Cat People

2011-08-03T15:56:00.000+05:30

See these eyes so green
I can stare for a thousand years
Colder than the moon
It's been so long
And I've been putting out fire
With gasoline

Feel my blood enraged
It's just the fear of losing you
Don't you know my name
Well, you been so long

See these eyes so red
Red like jungle burning bright
Those who feel me near
Pull the blinds and change their minds
It's been so long

Still this pulsing night
A plague I call a heartbeat
Just be still with me
Ya wouldn't believe what I've been through
You've been so long
Well it's been so long
And I've been putting out fire
with gasoline
putting out fire
with gasoline

See these tears so blue
An ageless heart
that can never mend
These tears can never dry
A judgement made
can never bend
See these eyes so green
I can stare for a thousand years
Just be still with me
You wouldn't believe what I've been through

You've been so long
Well, it's been so long
And I've been putting out fire
with gasoline
putting out fire with gasoline

#9

2011-06-26T22:26:00.000+05:30

#9 : Cook an entire meal from scratch.

Its only fitting that this item gets struck off with me cooking my birthday dinner..
Three courses.. made absolutely from scratch.. a few burnt fingers.. but its so totally worth it.. came out rather well if i do say so myself..

#9.... DONE

First course : Corn Salad

Second course : Pasta

With fresh Garlic toast made from scratch!!

Third Course : Orange Jello with Vanilla Ice Cream

Satisfied Customers.. :)

The Critics..

#16

2011-06-25T16:25:00.000+05:30

Sometime during the last year, in a certain conversation with one of my more socially aware friends, it came to my notice that what with crazy work hours and studying, i'd completely lost touch with the world in general.. was completely clueless about some pretty big issues.. ergo..
#16 : Read the newspaper regularly.

I'd be lying if i said I read it everyday.. but for the last 10 months or so, I've made sure i read the paper cover to cover atleast 4 days in a week..
I thnk I can safely say.. #16 is DONE!

#11

2011-06-25T16:07:00.000+05:30

What with school uniform regulations, obsessive parents and corporate dress codes, i'd never really managed the long rock'n'roll hair I always wanted.. Well no more i say!!

With nothing but one tiny, essential trim in 8 months.. i now have AWESOME long hair.. and they're gonna stay that way DAMN IT!!

#11 is officially DONE!

#24

2011-06-24T22:59:00.000+05:30

Thankyouthankyouthankyou Prateek Sharma!!
A very unexpected and totally awesome present!! Limited edition StarWars collection!!

#24 : Get my hands on all the Star Wars episodes.

DONE!!

#22

2011-06-24T22:53:00.002+05:30

Thank you Aakash Sharma, for the company.. on a cool breezy sunday morning..
#22 : Pick up rock climbing again.
DONE

#10

2011-06-23T15:18:00.002+05:30

1 part vodka
1 part Tequila
1 part Rum1 part Gin
1 part Triple Sec
1 1/2 parts Sweet and Sour Mix
Top it off with Coke..

Mix ingredients together over ice in a glass. Pour into a shaker and give one brisk shake. Pour back into the glass and make sure there is a touch of fizz at the top. Garnish with lemon.

voila.. one of the most potent cocktails ever.. the LIIT..

oh and #10 DONE

Insomnia

2011-06-07T13:16:00.001+05:30

I dreamed of you last night.
In another's arms..
Happy, I hope..
Couldnt see clearly,
Got something in my eye..
I dreamed of you last night.
and woke up in a familiar place
In dread and in pain..
Could not fall asleep again..
Poked a hole in my feeble attempt
To live one day at a time
Banish the thought of you
And pretend everything doesnt remind me
Of everything we had
And everything I lost
I dreamed of you last night
I know not why.
But with the scab ripped off
And the void renewed
For once i wish, I did not dream.

#17

2011-05-29T15:20:00.000+05:30

#17 : Go to the movies alone.

It may not seem like all that big a deal.. but its something that I've been weirdly afraid to do..
Walking up to the ticketing window and asking for ONE ticket..
But with a afternoon screening of Fast Five (Brilliant movie btw.. soooo much better than the fourth and almost as good as the first and third..); consider #17 DONE!

#14

2011-05-29T15:04:00.000+05:30

Its the only book that I started, but put down without finishing..ONLY BOOK EVER in 20 years of reading atleast a book every week..
After a grueling 5 hour session, Gone With the Wind is finally off my reading list.. FOREVER..
#14 is officially DONE!

#5

2011-05-20T20:14:00.000+05:30

Four years of corporate slavery had left me in the worst shape of my life.. Im not the sort who pays too much attention to appearance.. but when a few flights of stairs left me out of breath, i know it was time to do something about it..
#5 : Get myself back in good enough shape to run 10 kms..
The operative word being run.. not walk.. not jog.. run..
and as of this morning's 10.2 km reading on the treadmill.. consider it DONE!

#23

2011-05-18T15:47:00.000+05:30

I read.. a lot.. but I have a tendency to pick up one author and read the crap out of them.. like read everything they've written, several times over.. as a consequence of this little habit, my knowledge of literature, although deep, is very specific..
Ergo... #23 : Read three new authors.. authors who I would not pick up normally while browsing through a book store.. A big thank you to Naps.. she recommended two of these books.. (and is almost as excited about The List as I am.. )

Tom Holt - Flying Dutch
Jodi Picoult - My Sister's Keeper
Kiran Desai - Hullabloo in the Guava Orchard

#3

2011-05-18T14:33:00.000+05:30

5 days.. 1200 kms.. three states..
Cricket matches.. hidden mountain pools.. poker games.. philosophical discussions.. german-polish women.. banana pancakes with maple syrup.. and some new friends.. all in all an awesome roadtrip..
#3 done..

#1

2011-05-18T14:28:00.000+05:30

Having acquired the rather hard to find "William Tell told Again", I've finally finished a collection that started over a decade ago.. my tribute to the master.. dear old Plum..

Oh.. and #1 DONE!

#25

2011-05-10T14:31:00.000+05:30

I've been on a bit of a self imposed lockdown for the last two months.. Exams and what not.. but im finally free.. and determined to check off the remaining items on my little list.. starting with.....
#25 Quit my job and take a year off.. I've now been unemployed for two and a half months.. my savings are down to virtually nothing but im happier than i've been in the last 4 years where those slave drivers used to make every day of my life a living hell.. check one more off the list.. :)

That old familiar sting..

2011-04-26T13:48:00.001+05:30

Now that most of the furniture from my room's moved to my new place, i've been studying in my Grandmother's room.. Well.. My grandmother's old room.. Its been more than a year and i still half expect to look up and see her sitting in her chair, rummaging through a drawer full of assorted medicines.. Or reading a book, humming softly to herself.. Or watching a saas bahu soap on tv and getting so totally involved that she starts calling the vamp names..
The soft wrinkled skin on the back of her hands.. The peaceful smile that lingered on her face even as we carried her the final time..
I miss her.. I miss her kind eyes.. And her eternal mothering attitude.. And how she always had my back in little spats i had with the rest of the family..
I remember this one time in college when my father was after my case to get a haircut.. My floppy long hair had been a source of argument for days.. After a particularly loud yelling match with dad, i stormed into her room rather upset.. She barely asked me what was wrong before i was pouring out my strong sense of injustice at my dad's prejudice to my awesomely cool long hair.. i remember her smiling and without a word rummaging through her cupboard for a while to find an old fading picture of my dad's graduation day.. With him sporting the very fashionable long floppy 70's style haircut.. :) she told me with a little chuckle to show him the picture next time he says anything..
I miss you Amma.. I miss your stories and your laugh.. And your little sarcastic jokes about baywatch.. I miss your strength and your uncanny ability to make me believe in myself.. Thank you for always loving me more than i could even comprehend.. You will always be in my heart..

Hallelujah..

2011-04-21T17:58:00.001+05:30

I did my best, It wasnt much
I couldnt feel so I tried to touch
I told the truth, didnt come all this way just to fool ya..
And even though it all went wrong
I'll stand before the lord of song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah..

All the best, i hope you find what you're looking for...

#21

2011-02-20T21:13:00.000+05:30

Thank You MS, NR and SA.. with a very out of tune Rockstar, #21... DONE

Rockstar - Nickelback

I'm through with standin' in lines to clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub
Big enough for ten plus me
(Yeah, so what you need?)

I need a a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher
And James Dean is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat

And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair

And well, hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, ha, ha)

I'm gonna dress my ass with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves
To blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat

And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs that offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a Pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writin' all my songs
Lipsynk 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

Well, we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat

And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar

#4

2011-01-24T19:34:00.000+05:30

Date : 19 January 2011
Time : 0130 hours
Location : ITO

A young Air Force Corporal is involved in a nasty motorcycle accident. Damage; a shattered knee.
One makeshift knee brace (tree branches, firewood, a handkerchief and some rope).
One slow drive to the nearest MH.
#4.. Done..

Bottleneck Blues

2011-01-24T19:22:00.002+05:30

The morning sun rises, and sets in turn

While the smoke rings still spiral and the paper still burns

I’m dreaming a while of when the levee broke

And scrounging a bottle, a guitar, a smoke

Watered down whiskey is like fading desire

I’d say I’m okay, but it’ll make me a liar

We’ve been screaming for years, been a while since we spoke

I’ll lean on a bottle, a guitar, a smoke

I’m strung up and crazy and speaking in tongues

And childish and stuck up and forever young

And doped up and washed up and worthless and broke

Sold it all for a bottle, a guitar, a smoke

I sing myself hoarse just to drown out the sound

Oh please don’t come looking, I won’t be around

I’ll seamlessly blend in with those gentle folk

Who live on a bottle, a guitar, a smoke

I’m thumbing my way to the next nameless town

To the next faceless lady who won’t turn me down

Our hands intertwined, the fires we’ll stoke

Then cry, sharing a bottle, a guitar, a smoke

I live life in tatters, I’m dressed up in rags

Keep singing my anthems and waving my flags

While I keep reliving the same sorry joke

‘bout the man with a bottle, a guitar, a smoke.

Do not go gentle into that good night..

2011-01-04T22:07:00.001+05:30

Two very different pieces of verse.. one very common theme..

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dare you to move..

Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here

I dare you to move
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself, to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before

#12

2010-11-26T21:38:00.000+05:30

Megadeath.. live, loud, and in person..
#12.. DONE!

The book of love

2010-11-09T12:25:00.000+05:30

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings

#7

2010-09-24T20:00:00.000+05:30

REDLINED!!!! with a little engine tweaking help from a certain friend (God bless his blessed soul..) who chooses to remain anonymus.. revving a wonderous 159 kph on the lil ol speedo (post which I chickened out and slowed down.. she'll do more.. )
On a lovely, overcast september morning.. NH-8.. Number seven.. Check..

Familiar

2010-09-15T11:27:00.000+05:30

Courtesy xkcd

#18

2010-09-13T12:13:00.000+05:30

No phone numbers.. no last names.. no strings.. number 18.. Check..

Institutionalized..

2010-09-06T17:34:00.000+05:30

Sometimes I try to do things but it just doesn't work out the way I want it to, and I get real frustrated and then like I try hard to do it, and I like, take my time but it just doesn't work out the way I want it to. It's like, I concentrate on it real hard, but it just doesn't work out. And everything I do and everything I try, it never turns out. It's like, I need time to figure these things out, but there's always someone there going “hey mike, you know we've been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately, you know? You need to maybe get away. And like, maybe you should talk about it, you'll feel a lot better.” And I'm all like “oh, nah, it's ok, you know. I'll figure it out. Just leave me alone, I'll figure it out, you know? I'm just working on it by myself.” And they go “well, you know, if you wanna talk about it, I'll be here, you know? And you'll probably feel a lot better if you talk about it. So why don't you talk about it?” I go “no, I don't want to! I'm ok. I'll figure it out myself!” But they just keep bugging me, they just keep bugging me, and it builds up inside.

So you're gonna be institutionalized.
You'll come out brainwashed with bloodshot eyes.
You won't have anything to say.
They'll brainwash you until you see their way.

I was in my room and I was just like staring at the wall thinking about everything, but then again I was thinking about nothing. And then my mom came in, and I didn't even know she was there. She called my name and I didn't hear her and then she started screaming “Mike, Mike!” And I go “what? What's the matter?” She goes “what's the matter with you?” I go “there's nothing wrong, mom.” Shes all “don't tell me that! You're on drugs!” I go “no mom, I'm not on drugs. I'm ok, I'm just thinking, you know? Why don't you get me a Pepsi?” She goes “No! You're on drugs!” I go “mom, I'm ok. I'm just thinking.” She goes “No! You're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't be acting that way!” I go “mom, just get me a Pepsi! Please, all I want is a Pepsi!” And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! Just a Pepsi!

They give you a white shirt with long sleeves!
Tied around your back, you're treated like thieves!
Drug you up because they're lazy!
It's too much work to help a crazy!

I'm sitting in my room, when my mom and my dad came in. they pulled up a chair and they sat down. They go “mike, we need to talk to you.” And I go “ok, what's the matter?” They go “me and your mom, we've noticed that lately you've been having a lot of problems, and you've been going off for no reason, and we're afraid you're going to hurt somebody, and we're afraid you're going to hurt yourself. So we decided that it would be in your best interest if we put you somewhere where you could get the help that you need.” And I go “wait, what are you talking about, WE decided? MY best interests? How do you know what MY best interest is? How can you say what MY best interest is? What are you trying to say? I'M crazy? When I went to YOUR schools, I went to YOUR churches, I went to YOUR institutional learning facilities? So how can you say I'M crazy?”

They say they're gonna fix my brain.
Alleviate my suffering and my pain.
But by the time they fix my head,
Mentally I'll be dead.

They stuck me in an institution,
Said it was the only solution
To give me the needed professional help,
to protect me from the enemy, myself.

Doesn't matter, I'll probably get hit by a car anyways.

#8

2010-09-06T10:59:00.000+05:30

I recently made a list of 25 things i want to do before i turned 25.. i can now strike off one of them.. :) 24 more to go.. Here's #8

I know its a moneyplant.. and those are the easiest to grow.. but still damn it!! its the first time i've managed to not kill a plant in the firt 3 weeks..

25 before 25..

2010-09-03T20:33:00.024+05:30

I turn 25 in June 2011.. that gives me a little less than 10 months to try and do the things on this list.. being a tad hopeful arent i? Ah well, all one can do is try..

1. ~~Finish my Wodehouse collection.~~
2. Travel abroad alone.
3. ~~Take a roadtrip with friends.~~
4. ~~Help a complete stranger in need.~~
5. ~~Get myself back in good enough shape to run 10 kms. (Not unrealistic.. I can run 5-7 right now..)~~
6. Get some closure on the several hanging loose threads in my love life.
7. ~~Redline my motorcycle in top gear~~.
8. ~~Keep a plant alive for more than 3 months.~~
9. ~~Cook an entire meal from scratch.~~
10. ~~Learn how to make atleast one mixed drink well.~~
11. ~~Let my hair grow long enough to put in a ponytail.~~
12. ~~Watch a band I listen to live.~~
13. Buy a good camera and actually use it.
14. ~~Finish reading Gone With The Wind.~~
15. Paint my room.
16. ~~Start reading the newspaper regularly.~~
17. ~~Go to the movies alone.~~
18. ~~Live out atleast one of my not-lived-out-yet sexual fantasies.~~
19. Get another tattoo.
20. Play Mafia again.
21. ~~Get drunk and sing at a karaoke bar.~~
22. ~~Pick up rock climbing again.~~
23. ~~Read atleast three new authors.~~
24. ~~Get my hands on all the Star Wars episodes.~~
25. ~~Quit my job and finally take that year off.~~

Dishes..

2010-08-31T15:45:00.002+05:30

If you have to dry the dishes
(Such an awful, boring chore)
If you have to dry the dishes
(‘Stead of going to the store)
If you have to dry the dishes
And you drop one on the floor-
Maybe they won’t let you
Dry the dishes anymore.

Strike

2010-08-31T15:44:00.000+05:30

Strike! Strike for children's rights!!
For longer weekends and shorter school hours!
Higher allowances, less baths and showers!
No brussel sprouts! More root beer!
SEVENTEEN SUMMER VACATIONS A YEAR!!
If you're ready to strike, please line up here..

Invitation..

2010-08-31T15:41:00.000+05:30

If you're a dreamer, come in..
If you're a dreamer, a wisher, a liar..
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer..
If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire.
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in..
Come in..

Dont Ever Show You Care

2010-08-23T08:03:00.001+05:30

There is this you know how
if I could go back in time and wipe my life clean
I would
Just so I dont carry any baggage with you

But I am old and worn and sad and lost
the promise of a dream almost fulfilled and lost

If I could round out
the edges that experience has honed
I would
Just so they dont dig into you when you hold me tight

But I have been around the park and on the bend
too many cracks and wounds that cant be mend

If I could look in the mirror
and not see your face
I would
So I would not need to walk with my eyes closed

But I have seen more than I care to know
for i am just too much a reflection of you

If I could erase
that night in the ruin
I would
So I would not want to close in on my reality and go to sleep within

But I have the memory of your touch and smell of the dust
And the smoke from your lips on mine has formed a crust

If it has to be this way dont ask me anymore how I am
My broken thoughts and pathetic rends
Wandering alone in soulless dens
reaching for your hand not finding it there
Running hard, not looking back, staring ruin, burning the brain

Just never ask me anymore how I am

The truth

2010-08-21T11:19:00.001+05:30

The last few years have been a continuous cycle of both self destruction, and self discovery for me. I’ve experienced more than I ever thought I could, seen and done things that have defined me. Been loved and hated, by others and myself. Enjoyed great success and trudged through devastating failures. Lost people that meant the world to me, found new friends.. and both lost and found myself somewhere along the way. Aye, there’s the rub, as jolly ol’ Hammy would say, I HAVE found myself. I know that for sure. Don’t get me wrong. I won’t for a second pretend that I have it all figured out, but after years, arguably the first time in my life, my words and actions reflect what I think and how I truly feel. That might not seem much to a stranger, but anyone who’s had to deal with me for an extended period of time would agree that masks and disguises, figuratively speaking, were somewhat of an obsession with me.
I know desire is fluid, and I’ve experienced Out of sight, Out of mind first hand. And most things you though, or hoped, would last forever are temporary.
I know what I want now, in this moment. But I would be an absolute hypocrite if I were to hold a wishy-washy state of mind against somebody.
If I have you, I want all of you, with resolute faith and no room for doubt. I promise the same in return and I’m prepared to wait for it.
If not, then I guess you were right. It lasted as long as it was supposed to.
Either way, halfway there is no longer and option.

And if you said
This life ain't good enough
I would give
My world to lift you up
I could change my life
To better suit your mood
Because your so smooth yeah

And It's just like the ocean Under the moon
Well it's the same as the emotion that I get from you
You got the kinda loving that can be so smooth Yeah
Give me your heart
Make it real
Or else forget about it

Tangled up in Blue

2010-08-10T12:37:00.000+05:30

Early one mornin’ the sun was shinin’,
I was layin’ in bed
Wond’rin’ if she’d changed at all
If her hair was still red.
Her folks they said our lives together
Sure was gonna be rough
They never did like mama’s homemade dress
Papa’s bankbook wasn’t big enough.
And I was standin’ on the side of the road
Rain fallin’ on my shoes
Heading out for the east coast
Lord knows I’ve paid some dues gettin’ through,
Tangled up in blue.

She was married when we first met
Soon to be divorced
I helped her out of a jam, I guess,
But I used a little too much force.
We drove that car as far as we could
Abandoned it out west
Split up on a dark sad night
Both agreeing it was best.
She turned around to look at me
As I was walkin’ away
I heard her say over my shoulder,
"we’ll meet again someday on the
avenue,"
Tangled up in blue.

I had a job in the great north woods
Working as a cook for a spell
But I never did like it all that much
And one day the ax just fell.
So I drifted down to new orleans
Where I happened to be employed
Workin’ for a while on a fishin’ boat
Right outside of delacroix.
But all the while I was alone
The past was close behind,
I seen a lot of women
But she never escaped my mind, and I just grew
Tangled up in blue.

She was workin’ in a topless place
And I stopped in for a beer,
I just kept lookin’ at the side of her face
In the spotlight so clear.
And later on as the crowd thinned out
I’s just about to do the same,
She was standing there in back of my chair
Said to me, "don’t I know your name? "
I muttered somethin’ underneath my breath,
She studied the lines on my face.
I must admit I felt a little uneasy
When she bent down to tie the laces of my shoe,
Tangled up in blue.

She lit a burner on the stove and offered me a
pipe
"i thought you’d never say hello," she
said
"you look like the silent type."
Then she opened up a book of poems
And handed it to me
Written by an italian poet
From the thirteenth century.
And every one of them words rang true
And glowed like burnin’ coal
Pourin’ off of every page
Like it was written in my soul from me to you,
Tangled up in blue.

I lived with them on montague street
In a basement down the stairs,
There was music in the cafes at night
And revolution in the air.
Then he started into dealing with slaves
And something inside of him died.
She had to sell everything she owned
And froze up inside.
And when finally the bottom fell out
I became withdrawn,
The only thing I knew how to do
Was to keep on keepin’ on like a bird that flew,
Tangled up in blue.

So now I’m goin’ back again,
I got to get to her somehow.
All the people we used to know
They’re an illusion to me now.
Some are mathematicians
Some are carpenter’s wives.
Don’t know how it all got started,
I don’t know what they’re doin’ with their
lives.
But me, I’m still on the road
Headin’ for another joint
We always did feel the same,
We just saw it from a different point of view,
Tangled up in blue.

Smilin' through the Blues..

2010-08-09T11:21:00.000+05:30

I started listening to the Grateful Dead sometime in my seventeenth year and saw them live, well a recording anyway, for the first time soon after. I witnessed some amazing shows, had moments of transcendent bliss, and came to understand the pure unadulterated energy of live music when played from deep within the soul. There are a lot of people who don’t like the Grateful Dead. Lost is the community of respectful young Deadheads who understand that there is something more than a “freakshow” happening here. What they don’t understand, what they never once bother to consider, is that it is all about the music. The drugs are part of a culture that birthed the music and this band, but it in no way was meant to define them, or worse, limit them.

But it did. Towards the end, Jerry Garcia‘s heroin addiction had seemingly taken control of both his health and the music, and the Deadheads watched both decline sharply. There were moments of resurrection, fleeting pockets of optimism where it seemed something might re-ignite from the embers of what had once been fiery and bright, but it never took hold. Like a child who grows up to marry someone destructive and violent and finds themselves no longer welcome at family functions, the Dead could find no way to divorce themselves from the runaway train that became their following and redefined who they were to an already misguided public.

It took a mere handful of people, lead by masterful non-leader Jerry Garcia, working on a canvas thirty years long, four-hours-a-jam-every-night wide, to evolve the original sound. And what a sound it was: modest in instrumentation, no “star” vocalists among them, but offering up so richly eclectic a repertoire of American song, such a variable yet transcendent vision, that no group from the Era of Peace and Love has ever surpassed them. This little band was large, it contained multitudes.

So now when I venture back to the land of the Dead–and I often do–in the comfort of my room or through the tiny speakers of my headphones, it’s almost always to the age when I first discovered them before the tidal wave of "the Scene" crashed down upon me.

To their credit, they lasted 30 years. 30 years of improvisational musical exploration. Their sound changed in many ways. I’ve been told by the musically challenged that the Dead were not very good musicians. This is a statement that always astounds me. I am still left awe-inspired by the craftsmanship and pure talent that was the Grateful Dead. Like the greatest jazz musicians, the Dead pulled off something almost alien to most other musicians. But like so much great art, it is often misunderstood by the public at large and brushed off as being a fad or, as it is in this case, having more to do with the scene around it than with the art itself.

As for the Dead’s commercial popularity, the songs that are best known to non-heads are almost always the little ditties, the more hummable tunes, fun, but rarely reflective of the depths the Dead could obtain. But once in a while, those little ditties would explode with bursts of pure energy and joy. The following clip is of one of those ditties. And for those who never saw the Dead as a rock and roll band or who think of Jerry as the overweight, immobile figure he became in his final, most popular years, this rendition of the still timely song, U.S. BLUES, while admittedly rough around the edges, will give you a genuine taste of the deep joy and energy that drew me in and still has a very welcome and warm hold on me. It also shows, in no uncertain terms, that when Jerry was on, so was everyone around him.

Turn it up and enjoy.

London Dreams

2010-07-27T19:22:00.000+05:30

Ekta : My boss is a hypocritical, racist #$%&..
Me : Umm.. what happened?
Ekta : I caught a common stomach bug going around london and he jibed saying "Oh, so you caught the Delhi belly long distance.." and the bugger's married to an Indian.. arrrgggghhhh!!!
Me : Hmmm.. you have to get back at him .. Poison him.. :)
Ekta : Yeaaaaaahh!!! Death by Curry!!!!

Fight for our right to love..

2010-07-23T18:55:00.001+05:30

I received a message on facebook today from someone I didn't recognize.. The message is amusing and just a tad heartbreaking..

hey friend main (my name goes here) from peetampura ko dhund raha hoon agar aap ho to plz tamanna se shadi mat karo wo meri girlfriend hai plz ....

For my readers unfamiliar with Hindi, its some hapless soul messaging everyone with my name on facebook imploring them not to marry a a certain Tamanna, his girlfriend.. My overactive imagination has already built up a background story ala bollywood.. Ah the trials and tribulations of love..

Boys Dont Cry

2010-07-21T15:43:00.000+05:30

I would say I'm sorry
If I thought that it would change your mind
But I know that this time
I've said too much
Been too unkind

I try to laugh about it
Cover it all up with lies
I try and
Laugh about it
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

I would break down at your feet
And beg forgiveness
Plead with you
But I know that
It's too late
And now there's nothing I can do

I would tell you
That I loved you
If I thought that you would stay
But I know that it's no use
That you've already
Gone away

Misjudged your limits
Pushed you too far
Took you for granted
I thought that you needed me more

Now I would do most anything
To get you back by my side
But I just
Keep on laughing
Hiding the tears in my eyes
'cause boys don't cry
Boys don't cry

The Christmas from hell..

2010-07-21T14:38:00.000+05:30

This is what comes out of having to work Christmas eve..

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The box files were stacked by the cartons with care,

In hopes that the client wont find them there;

The errors were nestled all safe out of sight,

While visions of reviews kept me up through the night;

The manager was in a frenzy, the files in my lap,

My eyes they were bloodshot, in need of a nap,

When in the finance bay there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my seat to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But the psychotic CFO, who was drawing near.

With an odd kind of gait, slithery and quick,
I knew in a moment it must that dick.

More rapid than eagles the VP's they came,
And he cussed, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Bakshi! now, Misra! now, Datta and Verma!
Oye, Prakash! Abe, Kumar! Arre, D'souza and Sharma!"

"Hide under your desk! Dive behind the wall!"
From all around me rose such frantic calls.

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So in to the store room the Finance team flew,
With eyes ablaze, the CFO followed too.

And then, quite an uproar, I heard from within
The screaming and pleading and confessing of sins.

As I lowered my head, and was turning around,
Out the store room that blighter came with a bound.

A folder of pink slips he flung on the rack,
And recited the names of the ones getting sacked.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He was fuming and frowning, a right scary sight,
And I shivered when I saw him, overcome by fright;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had plenty to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And fired all the slackers; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his signature aside of the sheet,
And giving a nod, he rose to his feet;

He sprang out the door, his team breathed relief,
And away they all flew some overcome with grief.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he walked out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Wash

2010-07-20T13:04:00.000+05:30

Oh please let it rain today.
This city is so filthy, like my mind in ways.
Oh, there was a time, like a clean, new taste...
Smiling eyes before me, inches from my face.

Wash my love.

Sin to sell, buying just a need.
Just who planted all the devils seeds?
And what the truth, the truth that lies at home...
It's on the inside, and I can't get it off.

Wash my love.

What's clean is pure, but hey,
I'm white on the outside, though I stray...
What she don't know today
might kill us both tomorrow.
Bring it back someway.
Back to the clean form,
to the pure form.

Wash my love.

4891

2010-07-19T16:12:00.000+05:30

Under the spreading chestnut tree
I sold you and you sold me
There lie they, and here lie we
Under the spreading chestnut tree

"I betrayed you," she said baldly.
"I betrayed you," he said.
She gave him another quick look of dislike.
"Sometimes," she said, "they threaten you with something — something you can't stand up to, can't even think about. And then you say, 'Don't do it to me, do it to somebody else, do it to so-and-so.' And perhaps you might pretend, afterwards, that it was only a trick and that you just said it to make them stop and didn't really mean it. But that isn't true. At the time when it happens you do mean it. You think there's no other way of saving yourself and you're quite ready to save yourself that way. Youwant it to happen to the other person. You don't give a damn what they suffer. All you care about is yourself."
"All you care about is yourself," he echoed.
"And after that, you don't feel the same toward the other person any longer."
"No," he said, "you don't feel the same."

Go figure..

2010-07-16T11:36:00.000+05:30

Its uncanny how people evolve into the exact opposites of who they used to be.. Shy, introvert sorta people turn into regular social butterflies.. commitment freaks turn into advocates of casual flings.. and people you had pegged as selfish buggers turn around and surprise you with truly selfless acts..
Im not saying I havent done it myself.. It just startles you sometimes.. especially if you're in a position to draw a before and after kindova picture..
A certain somebody I've known for a while now couldnt stand cigarette smoke.. Mind you, it wasnt just some passing displeasure.. This person had a full blown attack around cigi smoke.. coughing.. inability to breathe.. the works.. matter of fact, an acute desire to be around this person is the primary reason I quit smoking..
But mark the sequel.. just a few years down the line, my reason to quit has now turned occasional smoker! astounds me to no end it does..
Such are the curveballs that life throws at you..
P.S. on the flipside, I cant stand cigarette smoke anymore.. :)
Ah well..

#58

2010-07-15T17:19:00.000+05:30

Oh my dear,
When I was dreaming,
I wish you would take your lies elsewhere
Don't give them to me.

Oh my friend,
Old as you are,
How could I trust you as far
As I could throw you, brother?

As to you my love,
My precious baby,
If I die be sure to eat me up
Where I can stay with you.

Take my flesh,
And eat it down
Drink my blood for every pound you can brother.

We reconcile, our differences,
When I saw God and the devil walking on and on.
We reconcile, our different tastes,
When I saw the devil swimming in the Lord's swimming pool.

To drink his wine,
God forgive him,
Your falling angels doing fine
He's got you under boards.

Oh then God,
This dream may be done,
How he had given rise to him what would we care.

If there were no Judas,
Or there were no devil,
Where would God and this little boy be now?
No where I swear.

Oh it's said,
When it seems extreme,
When all we do is reconcile our differences here.

Back in Black..

2010-07-02T08:23:00.000+05:30

They said it was just a phase.. They said I'll grow out of it..
I reply with a revving engine and some burning rubber..
I've been too long, I'm glad to be back ..

Here's to following your dreams..

(Untitled)

2010-06-29T13:20:00.000+05:30

I’ll write us a happy ending

Because it was meant to be that way.

Because great love is always enough

And parting is only the beginning of a new chapter.

I’ll write us a happy ending

Because they deserve it.

That confused green eyed girl

And scared

Floppy haired

Little boy.

I’ll write us a happy ending

With no room for fear

And no need for lies.

With madness and melody

And motorcycle rides.

I’ll write us a happy ending

Alone as I am

and shall be

You showed me a world

of fairies and goblins

And stories that needn’t come true

For one to believe.

I’ll write us a happy ending

An ever after

If only on paper and in my head

Because we deserve it.

That confused green eyed girl

And scared

Floppy haired

Little boy.

State of mind..

2010-06-22T23:25:00.000+05:30

The key to forgetting,
Someone said,
Was to start small
Like your keys, your library books

To stop making associations
Like the way you smell
That song you loved
Your favorite term of endearment

Lie (to myself)
I will see you again, Its not really over
We would have been great together
(And to you) I hate you

Throw away the random things
That we made together
That business card, the red dragon tissues
The newspaper we read on Sunday

Then to get to the point of forgetting
To stop seeing you everywhere
To spend a few idle moments,
Without caressing you with my thoughts

My cardboard boxes are packed
I await the empty space
That comes with forgetting
The way you loved me

For the original and more please visit : http://thedragonreborn.blogspot.com

American History X

2010-06-18T20:23:00.000+05:30

So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life's too short to be pissed off all the time. It's just not worth it. Derek says it's always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can't top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you'd like. 'We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.'

Just got done watching American History X.. Edward Norton's quickly becoming one of my favorite actors.

The end of nights we tried to die..

2010-06-11T23:56:00.001+05:30

What shall we use to fill the empty spaces where we used to talk?
It'll be a while i suppose. On the plus side I got a friend back.

I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul. Don't think twice, Its alright.
Im sorry, I couldn't deal with it anymore.

It hurts to set you free but you'll never follow me.
The end of laughter and soft lies.
The end of nights we tried to die.
And I can breathe again. :)

Pigs on the wing - Part One and Two

2010-05-13T22:59:00.000+05:30

If you didn't care what happens to me,
and I didn't care for you,
we would zig-zag our way through the boredom and pain.
Occasionally glancing up through the rain.
Wondering which of the buggers to blame
and watching,
The Pigs on the wing.

You know that I care what happens to you,
and I know that you care for me too.
So I don't feel alone or the weight of the stone
now that I've found somewhere safe to bury my bone.
Any fool knows, a dog needs a home.
A shelter,
from Pigs on the wing.

A picture's worth a thousand words?

2010-05-03T21:56:00.000+05:30

The following have been taken during myriad ramblings over four countries.. enjoy..

Delayed Exposure - 101

2010-05-03T14:12:00.000+05:30

Incidence

2010-04-29T11:47:00.000+05:30

Who looks straight through but cannot see,
Who looks at me and looks like me.
Who never blinks till I permit,
Who does exist but can never be.

written in one of my more existential moments right after a hot shower that fogged up the mirror..

Moon river and me..

2010-04-24T22:06:00.000+05:30

Watched Breakfast at Tiffany's for about the millionth time today.. Its still brilliant.. and the following still remains my favorite bit.. and for any unfortunate slobs who haven't seen the movie, you're really missing something.. Audrey Hepburn is nothing short of a vision..

Holly, I'm in love with you.

So what?

So what? So plenty! I love you. You belong to me.

No. People don’t belong to people.

Of course they do.

I'll never let anyone put me in a cage!

I don't want to put you in a cage, I wanna love you.

Same thing!

No it's not, Holly--

I'm not Holly! I'm not Lulu Mae either. I don't know who I am. I'm like Cat here. We're a couple of no-name slobs. We belong to nobody, and nobody belongs to us. We don't even belong to each other.

You know what's wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You're chicken, you've got no guts. You're afraid to stick out your chin and say, "Okay, life's a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that's the only chance anybody's got for real happiness." You call yourself a free spirit, a "wild thing," and you're terrified somebody's gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you're already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it's not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It's wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself.

The Infantryman

2010-04-17T22:35:00.001+05:30

In memory of the man who personified grit. Here's to the eternal soldier.
When it was victory,
the cavalier claimed it outright,
the gunner boasted of his calibre,
the engineer and signalman publicised their worth,
but the infantryman stood silent with victory at his feet.

Dreams (courtesy xkcd)

2010-04-12T15:21:00.004+05:30

Insomnia..

2010-04-04T17:56:00.001+05:30

I dreamed of you last night.
of a lingering, hopeless wait.
with hours spinning across the clockface
and pages peeling off my calender

I dreamed of you last night
of all the things you are,
of everything that brings you closer,
everyday, and makes me smile.
Though not without that twinge.
Of newsprint and night,
and musical abandon.

I dreamed of you last night.

of a lingering, hopeless wait.

that is now a part of me.

He either fears his fate too much,
Or his deserts are small,

That puts it not unto the touch.

To win or lose it all.
Days until redemption - 73.

O Happy Dagger..

2010-03-24T16:08:00.001+05:30

Two very diverse and frankly conflicting influences led to his particular train of though.. which led to this post.. Its also led me to seriously question something i very firmly believe in.. the concept of a "Happily ever after"..
The first is an observation that I made during a conversation about the afore mentioned concept with a certain fellow victim of the down-on-your-luck-in-love syndrome.. every single story of great love from literature that i've ever enjoyed, never runs its course.. its always a wild and passionate love that survives despite the lovers not ending up together for one reason or another.. one of the following always happens..

- One of them is killed by an accident/terminal illness, while the other holds their hand in the final moment in the hospital.

- They realise that they cannot be together in life so kill themselves so they can be together in death.

- Or (and this one's my favorite) the great sacrifice.. when one of them pushes the other out of the way of a stray bullet/speeding automobile, and dies in the other's arms with a final "I love you".

The other point, ruminating on the first one while we discuss this ofcourse, comes from a certain high-grossing-giant-special-effects-hollywood-extravaganza kinda film that i rather enjoyed. The hero.. no villain.. no hero.. well its unclear what he really is, makes a statement towards the end of the movie.. "You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain"..

while this is not a direct reference to the theme brought up by Point One, one can draw a parallel.. which brings me to the conclusion that planted the seed of doubt in my firm fairytale fancies.. What if all great love is doomed to an extremely short shelf life? What if the only kind of love that really survives in the long run is the average, mediocre kind? but most importantly.. what do you do when the great, all consuming love just doesn't seem enough?

O true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die.

Romeo had it easy..

The Bradley Cooper Project : v 2.1

2010-03-17T21:08:00.000+05:30

Courtesy The Wanderer
First week of gym over.. typing with very stiff arms.. has been a week of self discovery :

- Can still run 5 kms.. not jog.. run.. :)
- Pushups.. 3 sets of 15.. way harder than it sounds..
- my instructor is a year younger than me.. taller by a few inches and looks like a fucking Adonis.. and looks incredulous everytime i stuggle with the weight.. I am going to kill him..
- ideal time for workout.. early morning.. its when the office crowd works out, so people around are in worse shape than you.. helps your ego when you cant finish the 5th pull up to watch somebody struggling on the treadmill after half a km..

More later.. must fall down and die for a bit..

Acquiesce

2010-03-15T23:22:00.000+05:30

I don't know what it is
That makes me feel alive
I don't know how to wake
The things that sleep inside
I only wanna see the light
That shines behind your eyes

I hope that I can say
The things I wish I'd said
To sing my soul to sleep
And take me back to bed
You want to be alone
When we could be alive instead

Because we need each other
We believe in one another
And I know we're going to uncover
What's sleepin' in our soul

TAG

2010-03-12T17:35:00.001+05:30

A
- Available: Nein
- Age: 23
- Annoyance: Never ending exams
- Animal: Cat

B
- Beer: Homer no function beer well without.
- Birthday/Birthplace: June 26/New Delhi
- Body Part on opposite sex: Lower Back.
- Best feeling in the world: Motorcycle.. Delhi winter.. speed limit??
- Blind or Deaf: Blind.
- Best weather: Foggy.
- Been in Love: Yes.
- Been on stage?: Yes, not as often as I'd like though.
- Believe in yourself?: Yes, resolutely
- Believe in life on other planets: Yes.
- Believe in miracles: Hoping for a few..
- Believe in Magic: Not really..
- Believe in God: Selfishly.

C
- Car/Bike : Refer Best feeling in the world
- Candy: Orange rock candy..
- Color: Blue, White and red
- Cried in school: Yup..
- Chocolate/Vanilla: Chocolate.
- Country to visit: New Zealand, Thailand, USA

D
- Day or Night: Night.
- Danced: Yes.. and will continue to DAMN IT!!
- Dance in the rain?: Yes.
- Do the splits?: Not since I was very VERY young..

E
- Eggs: Cant boil them to save my life.
- Eyes: Cat.
- Everyone has: ???

F
- First crush: 7th Grade.
- First thoughts waking up: Somebody kill the Laughter Club..
- Food: Drool..

G
- Greatest Fear: Mediocrity
- Giver or taker: About down the middle..
- Goals: Clear exams.. Oh god please clear exams..
- Get along with your parents?: Always, they are my best friends.

H
- Hair Colour: Black
- Height: 6'0"
- Happy: Mostly..
- How do you want to die: Refer Best feeling in the world.. Remove Helmet..
- Health freak?: Kinda..
- Hate: Strong but short lived..

I
- Ice Cream: Mint Chocolate Chip..
- Instrument: violin..

J
- Jewelry: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo..
- Job: Meh..

K
- Kids: Yes.. Someday..
- Kickboxing or karate: Kickboxing..
- Keep a journal?: You're reading it..

L
- Love: Always..
- Laughed so hard you cried: Yes. Not for a while though..
- Love at first sight: Happens..

M
- Mooned anyone?: Nope..
- Marriage: Indifferent..
- Motion sickness?: For a while.. as a kid.. got over it though..

N
- Number of Siblings: one.. ah to be an only child..
- Number of Piercings: None.. Tattoo though.. :)

O
- One wish: World peace.. :P

P
- Place you'd like to live: London.
- Perfect Pizza: Cheese.. lots of it..
- Pepsi/Coke: Coke..

Q
- Questionaires: Random..

R
- Reason to cry: Stagnation..
- Reality T.V.: Fascinating in a Ewww what is that? kinda way..
- Roll your tongue in a circle: Fold it into an origami duck..

S
- Song: Hallelujah - Leonard Cohen
- Shoe size: 11
- Slept outside: Yup..
- Seen a dead body? Yes.
- Smoked?: Yes.
- Skinny dipped?: Yes.
- Shower daily?: Ummmm do weekends bumming around at home count?
- Sing well?: Occasionally, much to my listner's surprise..
- In the shower?: Always..
- Swear?: #$@%$**^%$$
- Stuffed Animals?: Bleh..
- Single/Group dates: Both.
- Strawberries/Blueberries: Strawberries.
- Scientists need to invent: A selective memory obliviator.. ala Eternal sunshine..

T
- Time for bed: Varies..
- Thunderstorms: Likes.. Lots of lightening
- TV: Rarely..
- Touch your tongue to your nose: 'ow 'wath?

U
- Unpredictable: Mood..

V
- Vegetable you hate: All the Lauki-Tinda family type. And the Karela.
- Vegetable you love: Potato.. :)
- Vacation spot: Nice.. sighhh

W
- Weakness: Engines.
- When you grow up: Never!
- Worst feeling: Waking up next to somebody you feel nothing for.
- Wanted to be a model?: Nope.. Im a realist..
- Where do we go when we die: On a boat, across the great sea.
- Worst weather: Hot and sticky.

X
-X-Rays: whaaaa?

Y
- Year it is now: 2010
- Yellow: who you callin' yeller?

Z
- Zoo animal: I'm bored of this..
- Zodiac sign: Cancer..

Dont think twice, Its alright..

2010-03-03T21:49:00.000+05:30

It ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
If’in you don’t know by now
An' it ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
It’ll never do some how.
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Look out your window and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm trav'lin' on
Don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
That light I never knowed
An' it ain't no use in turnin' on your light, babe
I'm on the dark side of the road
but I wish there was somethin' you would do or say
To try and make me change my mind and stay
We never did too much talkin' anyway
So don't think twice, it's all right

It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
Like you never done before
It ain't no use in callin' out my name, gal
I can't hear you any more
I'm a-thinkin' and a-wond'rin' walkin’ down the road
I once loved a woman, a child I'm told
I give her my heart but she wanted my soul
But don't think twice, it's all right

So long, Honey Babe
Where I'm bound, I can't tell
But Goodbye's too good a word, babe
So I'll just say fare thee well
I ain't sayin' you treated me unkind
You could have done better but I don't mind
You just kinda wasted my precious time
But don't think twice, it's all right

How to save a life

2010-02-28T19:35:00.000+05:30

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

A pocket full of rye..

2010-02-18T12:04:00.000+05:30

His vitals are weak.. But he's holding on..
Classic OD case.. Any idea what's in his system?
Seems like a pretty potent cocktail.. Its like he was trying to get this way..
He pretty far gone..
Im surprised he's still breathing after that hit..
Whats in him anyway?
Couple of shots of Twilight, a John Denver, an Erich Segal or two.. not to mention an LR shot, a Phil Collins and a bloody icecream stick windchime..
You're kidding me..
Hell no.. and to top it all this God damned Madame Zeeba monstrosity..
Fuck.. quite an appetite for punishment..
Tell me about it..
Think he'll be immune after this?
Cant say.. then again cant get any worse than this can it?
suppose not..
I guess we'll just have to wait and see..

Disclaimer..

2010-02-12T23:35:00.000+05:30

Some readers (god bless their souls) have recently expressed concern over the nature and tone of my blog posts.. im touched.. but i believe i may have alarmed them without cause.. so, to relieve their apprehensions, i feel compelled to issue the following notice..

All material on this blog, poetry or prose; original, inspired or otherwise; is in entirety a work of fiction and a direct result of my overactive imagination and/or momentary mood swings. Any association with any person, place or event is purely coincidental; unless ofcourse i happen to mention otherwise.

i think that should suffice.. :) cheerio..

Bob Dylan Blues..

2010-02-10T11:05:00.000+05:30

What comes close, really?
Nothing bothers me now.
It seems now, your eyes have left me here,
Like life leaves a dying man.

You're everything I had.
You're everything I lost.

I remember that fateful night,
It was raining outside.
My heart, wet and cold, craved comfort.
Shelter was what I sought,
Shelter, what I found in you.
Your eyes gave me reason to live.

You're everything I lost.

But the cue card says "Ramble On"
One cant just sit and muse.

You're everything I had.
You're everything I lost.

But then again, like the man said.
"when you ain't got nothing,
you got nothing to lose"

Achy Breaky Heart Lyrics

2010-02-03T10:41:00.000+05:30

You can tell the world you never was my girl
You can burn my clothes when I'm gone
Or you can tell your friends just what a fool I've been
And laugh and joke about me on the phone

You can tell my arms to go back onto the phone
You can tell my feet to hit the floor
Or you can tell my lilps to tell my fingertips
They won't be reaching out for you no more

But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man

You can tell your ma I moved to Arkansas
Or you can tell your dog to bite my leg
Or tell your brother Cliff who's fist can tell my lips
He never really liked me anyway

Oh tell your Aunt Louise, tell anything you please
Myself already knows that I'm okay
Oh you can tell my eyes to watch out for my mind
It might be walking out on me today

But don't tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
I just don't think it'd understand
And if you tell my heart, my achy breaky heart
He might blow up and kill this man

Jingle bell blues..

2009-12-22T16:09:00.002+05:30

I'm miles away from home and hearth
I have, of late, lost all my mirth
To my world I'm quite forgotten, I fear.
Yes, Christmas is the loneliest time of the year.

Diseased Ramblings..

2009-12-19T20:03:00.000+05:30

Dont say its the end of the road.
remember the flowers I sent..
i need you.. babe..
to put through the shredder in front of my friends

Dont leave me now..
How could you go?
when you know how i need you..
to beat to a pulp on a saturday night.

Rewind

2009-12-19T10:38:00.003+05:30

Asking you to stay
the words are finally here
let's rewind, and rewind

you see, you're the only star
in the film i never made
would you rewind it all the time
rewind it all the time

in the driveway
see you pull in
then my heart stops
when you're stalling
as if the phone rang
and he's calling
now you're backing up

it's a long way out
i'm asking you to stay
the words are finally here
let's rewind

would you rewind it all the time

see, you're the only star
in the film i never made
would you rewind it all the time
rewind it all the time

do we make it to the sequel
second chance for our survival
oh we all need a hallmark ending
and a change of heart

but it's a long way back, back to what you said

swayin' on my mind

it's swayin' on my mind
it's swayin' on my mind
would you rewind it all the time
rewind it all the time

i'm asking you to stay
the words are finally here
so let's rewind
would you rewind it all the time
oh you're the only star
in the film i never made
would you rewind
would you rewind it all the time

would you rewind it all the time
rewind it all the time

would you rewind it all the time
rewind it all the time

An Irish Airman Foresees His Death

2009-12-01T16:31:00.000+05:30

W.B. Yeats

I know that I shall meet my fate
Somewhere among the clouds above
Those I fight I do not hate
Those I guard I do not love
My country is Kiltartan's Cross
My countrymen Kiltartan's poor
No likely end could bring them loss
Or leave them happier than before
No law, nor duty bade me fight
No public man, nor cheering crowds
A lonely impulse of delight
Led to this tumult in the clouds
I balanced all, borught all to mind
The years to come seemed waste of breath
A waste of breath, the years behind
In balance with this life, this death.

What ho!!

2009-11-30T20:44:00.001+05:30

A certain critic--for such men, I regret to say, do exist--made the nasty remark about my last novel that it contained 'all the old Wodehouse characters under different names.' He has probably by now been eaten by bears, like the children who made mock of the prophet Elisha: but if he still survives he will not be able to make a similar charge against Summer Lightning. With my superior intelligence, I have outgeneralled the man this time by putting in all the old Wodehouse characters under the same names. Pretty silly it will make him feel, I rather fancy.

That I shall say good night till it be morrow..

2009-11-20T01:41:00.000+05:30

I see you.
Everyday.. smiling.. pouting..
being everything you are
all at once.
I marvel at how you make me feel.
Cant stand it when you're gone,
even though i know you're gonna
Come back to me like you always do.

I see you.
Everywhere.. patient.. strong..
doing everything that you do..
never backing down.
I rejoice that I have it in me
to make you happy,
every bit as much as you make me.
Cant stand it when you're gone..
The Bard got this one wrong..

First or Second?

2009-11-17T01:48:00.000+05:30

Just A Perfect Day,
Drink Sangria In The Park,
And Then Later, When It Gets Dark,
We Go Home.
Just A Perfect Day,
Feed Animals In The Zoo
Then Later, A Movie, Too,
And Then Home.

Oh It's Such A Perfect Day,
I'm Glad I Spent It With You.
Oh Such A Perfect Day,
You Just Keep Me Hanging On,
You Just Keep Me Hanging On.

Just A Perfect Day,
Problems All Left Alone,
Weekenders On Our Own.
It's Such Fun.
Just A Perfect Day,
You Made Me Forget Myself.
I Thought I Was Someone Else,
Someone Good.

Oh It's Such A Perfect Day,
I'm Glad I Spent It With You.
Oh Such A Perfect Day,
You Just Keep Me Hanging On,
You Just Keep Me Hanging On.

Void.

2009-11-15T22:32:00.000+05:30

Empty vases
Empty cases
Empty cages
Smudged out pages

Vacant plots
Vacant lots
Vacant looks
Hidden nooks

Placid lakes
Placid flakes
Placid thoughts
Iron wroughts

Their void is felt
the feeling dealt
what once was is broken and long gone
Empty spaces linger on

Sunday Mornin' Coming Down

2009-11-09T12:30:00.000+05:30

Well, I woke up Sunday morning
With no way to hold my head that didn't hurt.
And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad,
So I had one more for dessert.
Then I fumbled in my closet through my clothes
And found my cleanest dirty shirt.
Then I washed my face and combed my hair
And stumbled down the stairs to meet the day.

I'd smoked my mind the night before
With cigarettes and songs I'd been picking.
But I lit my first and watched a small kid
Playing with a can that he was kicking.
Then I walked across the street
And caught the Sunday smell of someone frying chicken.
And Lord, it took me back to something that I'd lost
Somewhere, somehow along the way.

On a Sunday morning sidewalk,
I'm wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.
'Cause there's something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothing short a' dying
That's half as lonesome as the sound
Of the sleeping city sidewalk
And Sunday morning coming down.

In the park I saw a daddy
With a laughing little girl that he was swinging.
And I stopped beside a Sunday school
And listened to the songs they were singing.
Then I headed down the street,
And somewhere far away a lonely bell was ringing,
And it echoed through the canyon
Like the disappearing dreams of yesterday.

On a Sunday morning sidewalk,
I'm wishing, Lord, that I was stoned.
'Cause there's something in a Sunday
That makes a body feel alone.
And there's nothing short a' dying
That's half as lonesome as the sound
Of the sleeping city sidewalk
And Sunday morning coming down.

Reality Check..

2009-11-03T10:26:00.000+05:30

...whose demeanor was rather like that of one who, picking daisies on the railway, has just caught the Down express in the small of the back...

Kya kool hai hum...

2009-10-26T00:02:00.000+05:30

So.. the following conversation between Wanderer and me establishes our 'Coolth' beyond the shadow of a doubt.. bask in our glory you lesser mortals you..

me :what're you upto?
Wanderer : programming
me : on what?
Wanderer : c++
me : anything in particular?
Wanderer : yeah..i mean i dont program to pass time, I'm not that bad yet
me : :)
Wanderer : working on the Hoshen Kopelmann algorithm for
cluster counting.. i'm redoing it to make it slightly
more efficient and iron out a few kinks
pimpin' it if you will
me : aaah.. pimpin out the hoshen kopelmann algorithm for cluster
counting.. very cool..

A word or two before you go..

2009-10-24T23:02:00.000+05:30

Speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate
Nor set down aught in malice: then must you speak
Of one that loved not wisely but too well;

It had to be you

2009-10-16T21:45:00.000+05:30

I've been listening to a lot of old favorites lately.. The Beatles, Elvis, Sinatra.. This is one of those feel good songs thats become very relevant all of a sudden.. Now now.. dont ask me why..

Why do I do, just as you say
Why must I just, give you your way
Why do I sigh, why dont I try - to forget

It must have been, that something lovers call fate
Kept me saying: I have to wait
I saw them all, just couldnt fall - till we met

It had to be you, it had to be you
I wandered around, and finally found - the somebody who
Could make me be true, and could make me be blue
And even be glad, just to be sad - thinking of you

Some others Ive seen, might never be mean
Might never be cross, or try to be boss
But they wouldnt do
For nobody else, gave me a thrill - with all your faults, I love you still
It had to be you, wonderful you
It had to be you

Venus in furs..

2009-10-12T18:58:00.000+05:30

This particular song by Velvet Underground remains one of my favorites.. Not just for its obviously erotic theme, but also for the matter of fact way that the theme has been presented
Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather
Whiplash girlchild in the dark
Clubs and bells, your servant, dont forsake him
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Downy sins of streetlight fancies
Chase the costumes she shall wear
Ermine furs adorn the imperious
Severin, severin awaits you there

I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears

Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather
Shiny leather in the dark
Tongue of thongs, the belt that does await you
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Severin, severin, speak so slightly
Severin, down on your bended knee
Taste the whip, in love not given lightly
Taste the whip, now plead for me

I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears

Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather
Whiplash girlchild in the dark
Severin, your servant comes in bells, please dont forsake him
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Serendipity..

2009-10-12T17:18:00.000+05:30

Its one of those things you know never happens outside of cheesy romantic comedies. An accidental meeting that would make an ardent supporter of the Chaos Theory to nudge his disbelieving counterpart in the ribs and whisper magnanimously "There you go sonny.. There's your conclusive proof.." Its just too cliched, couldn't possibly be real..
And yet, off late, I've caught myself smiling, much to my surprise I assure you.. Its not the "I'm tough, I'll carry on" smile that I've been applying so often lately, accompanied by the "Meh.. what're you gonna do.." shrug.. Its the sort of quarter mile wide grin that refuses to fade away, and leaves my jaw aching and my parents harboring suspicions of pre noon inebriations..
What in God's name is going on?

Untitled

2009-10-10T22:29:00.000+05:30

You overwhelm me.
The feel of you.
The sight, sound, smell and taste of you. It could always transcend distance, and now time as well.
The little voice in my head is yours.
My ecstasy, your laugh. My yardstick of beauty, your face.
The air at dawns seems stale compared to your breath;
and velvet seems coarse compared to the feel of your skin on mine.
Neither food nor drink can satisfy me. No nectar compares to your lips on mine.
All music sounds crass; you whispering my name, thats my song.
I do not remember you, mere memory could never do justice.
I am you.
Inseparable, absolute.
You overwhelm me.
In a good way ofcourse..

Above All... BALLS

2009-10-06T14:28:00.000+05:30

This post is dedicated to two items of clothing that defined me through my rather eventful college life.. I am forced to retire them under muttered threats of "they won't come back the next time you put them to wash" from my mother. But they've lived a full life.. and its time they moved on..
First lets take a brief moment to acknowledge my favorite pair of jeans. Basic blue, Levi's 511, as classic as they come. They were purchased when I was 16, my first branded pair, and I'm proud to say they still fit.. They've stood by me and weathered acid burns, numerous motorcycle crashes, breaking ladders, cigarette burns, grease, paint, blood, sweat and tears.. Every rip, every hole, every hanging bit of denim has a story to tell.. I bid you farewell.. Here's to my Rock'n'roll pants..
Next I raise my glass to something that's been as much of an identifying feature as my lisp, "duuuuuude!!!" and myriad apartment-party stories.. I'm, ofcourse, talking about my blue, round neck, printed tee that read "ABOVE ALL, BALL" on the back.. It had been the subject of many a jibe, but I loved it like a brother and was hardly ever seen without it..
But now as the lettering fades and the tiny holes become larger, I fear its time for it to go to that great T-shirt heaven, and be reunited with my ManU jersey (Mum gave that one away to the maid..) and my "Its better in Goa" tee (which, sadly, did not survive a football game where I was marking Rajdeep..)
May you rest in peace..
P.S. : Wanderer, I hope you're happy now..

Dead man..

2009-09-13T16:29:00.002+05:30

Sailing on my every step
Inching off of the earth..
It’s magnified
by the things I've done
The thing that I've become

Every lift of my hand,
Coffee cup up and back,
Is magnified
by the things I've done
The things I've seen, the things I've caused,
I'm a dead man walking.

The hammer that I once brought down
now hovers over me.
Casts a shadow, across onto me.

The hallways are all mocking me.
What I've become
they're all mocking me.

I'm a dead man walking.
A dead man walking.

All in all..

2009-09-07T15:20:00.000+05:30

Now she's gone, she left me standing with a broken heart and baggage at my feet.. Sleep deprivation and alcohol adding to the nausea I've gotten to know so well now. Im dimly aware of all these wonderful people, my well wishers, all around. Offerring me a place to rest, offerring to lighten the load. Offerring me time, the wisdom of ages and the eternal grace of God, all in exchange for a few strips of paper I have in my back pocket. Offerring me a good time, if I was looking for it.
I reach out for her, though i cant see her. I try to follow but the weight of worldly possessions slows me down. So I drop them, one by one, as I start to run. Eyes blurred and knees weak.
I get shoved around the middle, hard, and i fall skidding across the asphalt. The sound of the fabric ripping is drowned by the screech of rubber. The nausea that had been building up overcomes me and vomit mixes with blood and tears.
I feel at peace there, lying on the hot road. Knees, elbows, palms burning. Breathing in the exhaust, looking up at the circle of those same beautiful people gathering around, my well wishers, closing in tighter. Building my wall again.
I missed you, shouldnt have torn you down in the first place. Felt naked without you. Im so glad you're back. I can finally sleep.
Goodbye.

The anthem..

2009-09-02T18:43:00.002+05:30

This goes out to all the poor souls (including me) who've had to suffer at the hands of the vicious and sadistic pit of hell that is the ICAI.. I pray for salvation, this time around..

Fight Fight,
Never surrender..
After May,
There comes November..

Where there's a will,
There's always a way..
After November,
There's always May..

Hallelujah!

2009-08-02T20:12:00.000+05:30

Baby, I've been here before.
I know this room, I walked this floor.
I used to live alone before I knew you.
Yeah, and I've seen your flag on the marble arch,
but listen, love, love is not some kind of victory march,
it's a cold and it's ever a broken Hallelujah!

There was a time you let me know
what's really going on below
ah, but now you never show it to me, do ya?
Ah, but I remember, yeah, when I moved in you,
and the holy dove she was moving too,
yes, and every single breath that we drew was Hallelujah!

Maybe there's a God above-
as for me all I ever seem to learn from love
is how to shoot at someone who outdrew you.
Ah but it's not a complaint that you hear tonight,
it's not the laughter of someone who claims to have seen the light-
it's a cold and it's a very lonely Hallelujah!

I did my best; it wasn't much
I couldn't feel, so I learned to touch.
I've told the truth, I didn't come all this way to fool you.
Yeah, and even though it all went wrong
I'll stand right here before the Lord of Song
with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah!

The Haunted Tram

2009-07-16T10:56:00.002+05:30

By Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse

Ghosts of The Towers, The Grange, The Court,
Ghosts of the Castle Keep.
Ghosts of the finicking,"high-life" sort
Are growing a trifle cheap.

But here is a spook of another stamp,
No thin, theatrical sham,
But a spectre who fears not dirt nor damp:
He rides on a London tram.

By the curious glance of a mortal eye
He is not seen. He's heard.
His steps go a-creeping, creeping by,
He speaks but a single word.

You may hear his feet:you may hear them plain,
For--it's odd in a ghost--they crunch.
You may hear the whirr of his rattling chain,
And the ting of his ringing punch.

The gathering shadows of night fall fast;
The lamps in the street are lit;
To the roof have the eerie footsteps passed,
Where the outside passengers sit.

To the passenger's side has the spectre paced;
For a moment he halts, they say,
Then a ring from the punch at the unseen waist,
And the footsteps pass away.

That is the tale of the haunted car;
And if on that car you ride
You won't, believe me, have journeyed far
Ere the spectre seeks your side.

Ay, all unseen by your seat he'll stand,
And (unless it's a wig) your hair
Will rise at the touch of his icy hand,
And the sound of his whispered "Fare!"

At the end of the trip, when you're getting down
(And you'll probably simply fly!)
Just give the conductor half-a-crown,
Ask who is the ghost and why.

And the man will explain with bated breath
(And point you a moral) thus:
"'E's a pore young bloke wot wos crushed to death
By people as fought
As they didn't ought
For seats on a crowded bus."

Verse Libre is the devil..

2009-07-15T11:07:00.002+05:30

To write in verse,
you know it,
it often takes much time.
Its the curse
of every poet
to find a word that rhymes.

With 'moon' and 'June'
exhausted
and 'wine' paired up with 'sign'.
his ambition soon
is thwarted
to add another line

A desperate man
he'll try to
rhyme 'know' with 'how'.
His most ardent fan
would cry too,
"Alas, a dirty trick, I trow."

A poets bane
however,
is easy to divine
Its when he's vain,
not clever
and ends the last but one line,
With 'purple'..